There are many horrible things within the confines of the moving picture box, most you’d wish you’d never seen, this is one of those things. While watching TV with my bitch, a commercial came on, maybe you’ve seen it? There are 3 women at a hair salon, two younger chicks and one old ass bitch. One of the younger chicks, I’ll call her Jill, was looking at a magazine when she burst out into a foray of laughter. The other youngish lady, I’ll call her Judy, being the nosy bitch that judy is was like, “hey…what’s so funny?” therefore setting up the most awkward part of the commercial. Jill says, “oh (as in what the fuck bitch?) it’s this new Trojan personal massager.” Then they talk about it, and one of the girls calls this literal sex machine “cute.” At this point I’m freaking out, asking myself if my girlfriend talks to other girls like this when im not around. Trying to avoid eye contact with my girl, I try to leave the room, but the commercial has me in its cold sharp talons. Jill says, “I need to get me one of those.” then Judy, who looks like the actress who plays Mrs. Swan on Mad TV, says, “you and me both.” Confused, I stood there, why was that saggy grandma in the shot?
“Where do you get one?” asked judy.
“I don’t know, it doesn’t say” replied Jill. I feared the worst…then came the line I most feared, the old lady who I will call “Old Bitch” said, “Don’t worry girls, you can get it online.” The girls then looked at her like, “how the hell do you know that?”
Then the beastly women said, “That’s where I got mine!” then the girls just laughed it off like it was a normal happening among the women folk. I stood there in shock and horror, as the next commercial came on, I couldn’t believe how the TV wasn’t in shock also, had this horror worse than the public execution of a child just happend? and in MY house, on MY televistion? I must’ve passed out because I woke up in a puddle of my own bloody vomit, bile lining the back of my throat and scratch marks around my eyes.
This is the reason I don’t watch TV, and I’m sure as hell not gonna watch it with my girlfriend again…or anyone for that matter…
