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“Where do you get one?” asked judy.

“I don’t know, it doesn’t say” replied Jill. I feared the worst…then came the line I most feared, the old lady who I will call “Old Bitch” said, “Don’t worry girls, you can get it online.”  The girls then looked at her like, “how the hell do you know that?” 

Then the beastly women said, “That’s where I got mine!”  then the girls just laughed it off like it was a normal happening among the women folk.  I stood there in shock and horror, as the next commercial came on, I couldn’t believe how the TV wasn’t in shock also, had this horror worse than the public execution of a child just happend? and in MY house, on MY televistion?  I must’ve passed out because I woke up in a puddle of my own bloody vomit, bile lining the back of my throat and scratch marks around my eyes.

This is the reason I don’t watch TV, and I’m sure as hell not gonna watch it with my girlfriend again…or anyone for that matter…

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The history of Pokémon goes back to when Satan was cast from heaven, Pokémon being the name of those who followed him. Betraying an unknowing Christian faith, the Catholics brought Pokémon to America for profit and immortality, having sold their souls to Satan for eternal life. Catholics are also directly responsible for Christian music and so called “wangsters” or “want to be gangsters.” I can easily prove that these Catholic demons have been involved in every major tragedy, from the fall of Adam and Eve, to the events on September 11^th.

The Pokémon’s actions and characters cause the world’s youth to think for themselves, outside the box, so they soon forget their harsh reality. For example, Ash Ketchum, the games main character, is a Goth. Ash is a young, slender, black haired boy with a lot of anger and frustration toward our wonderful republican government. Ash usually drinks “potions,” in other words, alcohol to regain health and stamina. Pokémon teaches our kids violent mannerisms such as; arson, poisoning, rape, alcoholism, and torture. Let me explain exactly what Satan is trying to teach the youth with the Pokémon videogames. The games teach children how to summon their own Pokémon, once they’ve acquired their demon they are taught to use its occult powers to murder, torture, or enslave entire ethnicities. As you commit the heinous hate crimes, you are encouraged to chant, “Cultus diabolus,” or “worship Satan.” In certain versions of the game, you can choose your gender; both have a unique satanic role in the world of Pokémon. A male’s task, for example, is to conquer, enslave, or eliminate all who do not fit into your perfect race. If you choose the female, your mission will be to have all the unprotected premarital sex you can. Both genders have abortion missions, but they are all in the same cliché hack and slash chainsaw manner. . When they aren’t committing genocide or aborting babies, the game teaches you how to become a god. If I’m not incorrect, the term is “sinus deus,” which in Latin means “pocket god.” These are only some of the tricks Satan uses attempts to corrupt the world’s youth.

The demons have been proven to have caused man of the world’s diseases. AIDS was carried in the Pokémon, mankey, and quickly moved from there, into a cultist during a sexual ceremony. Skin cancer and global warming are both the fault of Pokémon too. The reason for many of the earth’s disasters, such as; earthquakes, forest fires, tornados, hurricanes, and illegal immigration, Pokémon leave only destruction behind them.

Pokémon appeals to ever satanic race. The Asians love how cutesy the demons are, the beaners love the prostitute female characters, and the blacks love the Pokémon rap. Speaking of the Pokémon rap, if you play it backwards you’ll hear a conversation concerning ashes soul in return for a Pikachu, but unless you speak in tongues you won’t understand it. According to statistics, 99.99% of beaners worship Satan and his followers. The Pokémon also appeals to all sorts of communities, for example, the fags, according to scientists, love Pokémon as their name is derived from an ancient pagan language. Meaning “pocket Monsters” it is well known that queers love pocket monsters. While researching I found more signs pointing from Pokémon to Satan than expected.

In conclusion, if you are a white Jesus loving Christian, please help your Lord Jesus Christ eradicate the Pokémon threat. Pray that those heathens responsible spend eternity suffering in hell. If you do not help the lord, you will most likely lose your soul to Satan and become a minority. For more evidence on the evil that is Pokémon, see the following pictures.

The Time Machine: This one is quite fun, the concept is simple, but the process is much harder. For this one, you take your children, dog, grandmother or whatever and stuff them into your wife’s vagina, as if sending them back in time to the womb.

The Brick house: This one is fairly easy, you take the heads of your family and place them on your house then smash their head between the house and a brick. Not only is it fun, but you can also paint your home this way.

The Tear Jerker: This one is not for the squeamish. You take a fork and jab it into their eye, then pull it out and put it back in making them cry in pain. Once you’ve collected enough tears, drown them in it.

The Barbie: Dress your wife/daughter up as a Barbie, then light them on fire and watch their skin melt.

The Theme Song: Lock the family in a room, give them one bullet and play the song from Cheers over and over really loud. Soon the effects of the song mixed with dehydration and hunger will have them killing each other just so they can force that bullet into their own skull.

The Cleaner: This one is rather ironic, and involves cramming your family into the washer for forty-six minutes. Don’t bother opening the machine, it will be messy.

The Christmasser: This one requires a special day on which presents are presented. In each box you give to a family member should be a venomous or starved animal, Ex: rattle snake, rabid dog, bear.

The I Pissed Myself…Oh Wait, My Stomach Just Exploded: Make the family member drink a large amount of water, after an hour, beat their torso until their bladder explodes, causing a very painful death to occur 48 hours later.

The “Wanna Play Darts?”: Tie your target up, then tape or staple a dartboard to the victims head and play a few rounds with your friends. Don’t be afraid to miss the board.

The Shocker: Hide a car battery behind the toilet, then run a wire from the battery to the water of the toilet. Next time someone uses it, they will get a very shocking surprise.

Crocs are the worst invention since sin itself. The truth is that Crocs were invented by Adam and Eve right before eating the apple, and you thought everything the Bible taught was the complete truth. The thing that the Bible doesn’t tell us is that the invention of Crocs was the very first sin, the sin that got them booted from Eden. Of course God didn’t know about this sin, so when he found out he created some goofy story about an apple. Are apples truly that evil compared to Crocs? I didn’t think so. What makes this even worse is they try to spruce up their evil with a thing called Jibbitz. What the hell are Jibbitz you ask? They are these stupid looking things you stick in the holes of the crocs, and are usually Disney themed. It doesn’t stop there, there’s also Croc Butter, a kind of shoe shine for that foam your shoes are made of. First off, why the hell would anyone shine foam? This is when things start getting out of control; they have different styles of Crocs. It’s not just the one style anymore, the Beach Croc; no I saw twenty-three styles on one webpage. Here are the styles that I found most annoying.

· The Professional—apparently this one is for “professionals,” the thing that makes me so angry about these ones is, anyone who wears the stupid things to their job is far, far from professional, so name the damn things something else jackass!

· The Off Road Crocs—these ones look just like the original ones, just with a different sole, oh they also have the “Turbo Strap,” another sinful invention of Adam and Eve. The Turbo strap is an extension to the regular strap that makes it stronger for all those outdoorsy adventures you’ll be going on. This shoe offers no protection whatsoever, so if you were going to climb up a rock or a staircase, these shoes would easily fall off leaving you helpless to the gravel and broken glass in your path.

· The Mary Jane—the name for this one is brought on by the fact that you’d have to have smoked a shit load of Mary Jane to think that these shoes have any class. The worst part, they are great for formal occasions, well I’m sorry but if you came to my wedding sporting fluorescent orange or camouflage Crocs I’d kill you.

· The Endeavor—what made Crocs so great, and I use great loosely, is that fact that they allow your feet to breathe, well the Endeavor takes the classic Beach Croc look and loses those pesky holes, so you can still look like a jackass AND have feet that smell like mold.

· Hydro—a waterproof Croc, soon made pointless when you notice the holes still exist. Perfect for water! Oh and did I mention that they float? Yes, that’s right they float. Why the hell do they float? Will they float with my feet in them? Apparently so. The thing with these ones is that they are the shoes Jesus wore when he walked on water. Neat huh?

· The Mammoth—are Crocs solution to winter. They have fleece outlining your kankles, oh and the best part is the fact that they still have the holes! I love Crocs because I never thought that I could buy a shoe for winter, whose purpose was totally defeated by itself.

Crocs also invented knee pads and a thing called the Kneeler, why? So your knees won’t hurt when you’re down there on your knees sucking a man’s penis, because that’s what you’re doing whenever you buy Crocs. Don’t believe anything I’ve said about these styles, or maybe you want to suck a dick, go to http://www.crowneys.com/.

The second reason the Earth is going to hell is “Mom Pants.” “Mom pants” are worn above the naval somewhere between your heart and your nose. But why haven’t we seen anyone wearing these pants? Well it’s because they aren’t back in style yet. Pants have gotten lower and lower over the years, now girls aren’t even wearing pants; they are just walking around pantless. So why do I bring up “Mom Pants?” Well because it’s about time they come back into style. Here’s a short history lesson, back in 1977 people were experimenting with drugs and sex, for the next three years there was a huge outbreak of prostitution and STDs that terrorized the world. Finally “Mom Pants” came out and people just stopped having sex all together, no babies were born for five years afterwards. Well you might be asking, “Well Xander…isn’t it good that the pants saved the world from being terrorized by prostitution?” Well one would think that was the case, but in reality, Satan made the pants so there would be less people on the earth, why would Satan want less people on earth? So his job is easier, with less people he could tempt people for longer periods of time, if there were more people he couldn’t spend enough time with one person. Make sense?

The third reason and probably the scariest, Jesus isn’t coming back. Hell rises and THEN Jesus is supposed to comes back to save us all. Well the thing is, Jesus’ ancient money is worthless, or will be once Satan takes over. I mean what could Jesus buy if his money is worthless? So I’ve decided to make this shirt.

I’ll see what I can do about getting these made and priced.

The fourth reason the world is going to hell is the fact that People like Britney Spears dominate our media. How will we know when that damn Antichrist shows up when all we see or hear about is that crazy whore Britney Spears? Which leads me to my next point, the Antichrist is already here. She’s already dominated the world with her crazy antics, is it any coincidence that she only has four friends Paris, Lindsay, and those whores, the Olsen twins and that there are only four horsemen who lead the apocalypse.

The fifth reason is that sexual predators are evolving. It has become really hard for them to get children nowadays, so they have started to look like cute animals. Don’t believe me? Look at this picture,

Also the show “To Catch a Predator” hires these people to work behind the scenes, I’m pretty sure these people are child molesters…just look at them. How can you catch a predator when they all work for you Dateline, answer that one for me!

Why is all this happening? Why is the world becoming so evil? Perhaps it’s those new Cheetos commercials; you know the one, where the guy sees his co-worker’s cubicle is neat so he smashes Cheetos all over the guys stuff. Or that lady who puts the Cheetos in the washing machine with the other ladies white clothes, yeah, those commercials, maybe that’s why the world is going to hell, and to think that you loved Cheetos. More like Cheesy Satan sticks!

Here are some horrible acts of Evil caught on tape.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsbF69hgLpA

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8Wey6X7gG4Y&feature=related