Do you want to murder your entire family, but think that old cliche shoot ‘n’ stab just don’t fit your personality? Well, thanks to my guide you can murder that ungrateful family in many fun efficient new ways!
The Time Machine: This one is quite fun, the concept is simple, but the process is much harder. For this one, you take your children, dog, grandmother or whatever and stuff them into your wife’s vagina, as if sending them back in time to the womb.
The Brick house: This one is fairly easy, you take the heads of your family and place them on your house then smash their head between the house and a brick. Not only is it fun, but you can also paint your home this way.
The Tear Jerker: This one is not for the squeamish. You take a fork and jab it into their eye, then pull it out and put it back in making them cry in pain. Once you’ve collected enough tears, drown them in it.
The Barbie: Dress your wife/daughter up as a Barbie, then light them on fire and watch their skin melt.
The Theme Song: Lock the family in a room, give them one bullet and play the song from Cheers over and over really loud. Soon the effects of the song mixed with dehydration and hunger will have them killing each other just so they can force that bullet into their own skull.
The Cleaner: This one is rather ironic, and involves cramming your family into the washer for forty-six minutes. Don’t bother opening the machine, it will be messy.
The Christmasser: This one requires a special day on which presents are presented. In each box you give to a family member should be a venomous or starved animal, Ex: rattle snake, rabid dog, bear.
The I Pissed Myself…Oh Wait, My Stomach Just Exploded: Make the family member drink a large amount of water, after an hour, beat their torso until their bladder explodes, causing a very painful death to occur 48 hours later.
The “Wanna Play Darts?”: Tie your target up, then tape or staple a dartboard to the victims head and play a few rounds with your friends. Don’t be afraid to miss the board.
The Shocker: Hide a car battery behind the toilet, then run a wire from the battery to the water of the toilet. Next time someone uses it, they will get a very shocking surprise.
